Joke

A burglar broke into a house one night. He shined his torch around, looking for valuables; and when he picked up a CD player to place in his sack, a strange, disembodied voice echoed from the dark saying:
“Jesus is watching you.”
He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his torch off, and froze. When he heard nothing more after a bit, he shook his head, promised himself a vacation after the next big score, then clicked the light on and began searching for more valuables. Just as he pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the wires, clear as a bell he heard:
“Jesus is watching you.”
Freaked out, he shined his light around frantically, looking for the source of the voice. Finally, in the corner of the room, his flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot.
Did you say that?” he hissed at the parrot.
Yep,” the parrot confessed, then squawked, “I’m just trying to warn you.”
The burglar relaxed. “Warn me, huh? Who in the world are you?”
Moses,” replied the bird.
“Moses?” the burglar laughed. “What kind of people would name a bird Moses?”
The bird replied: “The kind of people that would name a Rottweiler Jesus.”

Smile Time

A clergyman had just enjoyed a hearty chicken dinner at the home of a rural parishioner. Gazing out the window, he remarked, “That rooster seems a mighty proud and happy bird.” “He should,” the host replied. “His oldest son just entered the ministry.”

Ever Know That Feeling?

It’s a sunny morning in the Big Forest and the Bear family is just waking up.

Baby Bear goes downstairs and sits in his small chair at the table. He looks into his small bowl. It is empty!

“Who’s been eating my porridge?” he squeaks.

Daddy Bear arrives at the table and sits in his big chair. He looks into his big bowl. It is also empty!

“Who’s been eating my porridge?” he roars.

Mummy Bear puts her head through the serving hatch from the kitchen and yells,

“For Pete’s sake, how many times do we have to go through this? It was Mummy Bear who got up first. It was Mummy Bear who woke everybody else in the house up, it was Mummy Bear who unloaded the dishwasher from last night and put everything away, and it was Mummy Bear who set the table … listen good because I’m only going to say this one more time: I haven’t made the porridge yet!!”