How I Want To Say Goodbye

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Books

While doing some final preparation for this afternoons session on ‘How I Want to Say Goodbye’ (preparing your own funeral) I went to get C S Lewis’ The Last Battle from the bookcase – there is a passage in it that I read out as an example of how a reading from a favorite book can be used at a funeral. Anyway while retrieving the aforesaid book I spied my copy of The Man Who Planted Trees, which a blogged about yesterday.  I picked it up and turned it over and over in my hands, how wonderful if at the end of your life someone felt that such a story full of hope and warmth could be read at your funeral.  Although it is a short book it really is too long to be read in its entirety at a funeral, I read it once again, but no unless the whole congregation knew the story the one part that might work would need the back story, and if that is needed then it wouldn’t work. but I did think the dedication might do for the right person, although I am certain the right person would never dream of picking it for their funeral.

To see a human being reveal really exceptional qualities one must be able to observe their activities over many years.  If these activities are completely unselfish; if the idea motivating them is unique in its magnanimity; if it is quite certain they have never looked for any reward; and if in addition they have left visible traces on the world – then one may say, without fear of error, that one is in the presence of an unforgettable character.

 

Doris Widdness – RIP

Today sees Doris’ funeral, but it isn’t a day for sadness.  Doris led a wonderfully full life serving God, in China, India and this country.  She knew hardships but counted them as naught beside the love of God which she prized and showed forth in her 90 years, along with her great sense of fun.  It is not often that you meet someone of that generation who will say they had to get married, as her son Peter writes:

Getting married was more difficult than they (Arthur and Doris) had hoped as Arthur had signed a contract with the Church Missionary Society to go as a missionary to China. In the first contract of 6 years, marriage was not allowed.  Doris decided nonetheless to also go to China as a missionary despite the 6 years and the many hundreds of miles between the two places in which they were due to work.  Shortly before they set sail for China in January 1948 they received instructions to marry immediately as they would both be serving the CMS in Shanghai and a double berth had been booked on the boat. The boat journey to Shanghai was their honeymoon.

Later when Peter himself was backpacking through Africa, he tells how:

I spent many a night in the homes of missionaries. In Limuru in Kenya I explained who I was and the missionary replied, “Any child of Arthur and Doris Widdess is welcome here”, also getting the advice to – “get married before applying to the CMS”.

Arthur and Doris were not only well-known abroad but also in this country, many theological students passed through their doors and witnessed their great faith in action, as did the people of York Minster and those parishes in which Arthur served.

Having served God well on earth may Doris now rest in peace and rise in glory.

Alfred Marvin – RIP

This morning we said farewell to Alfred.  He had been ill since before I arrived at St Andrew’s so I never knew him in his prime, but those faltering conversations we did have were a joy.  He was a man of great faith with a generous spirit and a wicked sense of humour, it was a privilege to be with him at the end and to conduct his funeral.  The tenacity and perseverance of his wife meant he was able to spend his last 5 months in his own home despite what the doctors kept saying.

On the 1st of July they would have celebrated 66 years of marriage and while he had waited all those years ago for her to arrive Rubinsteins Melody in F played in the church (a different church), today it played again as he waited for her to arrive for their last time in church together.

May he rest in peace, and rise in glory.

Maria Weeple RIP

Like foreboding of death, dusk veils the land;
it covers the valley with swarthy raiments.
The soul, which aspires to lofty heights
is made uneasy in the face of its flight
through darkness and horror.
There you shine,
Oh loveliest of stars;
you send forth your gentle light from afar.
Your dear ray parts the gloomy dusk;
and, kindheartedly, you point the way out of the valley.
Oh you, my lovely evening star,
I have always greeted you so gladly.
From the heart which she never betrayed greet her, when she passes by you-
when she hovers over the valley of earth,
to become, yonder, a blessed angel.

Ishbel Buchanan – RIP

I hadn’t known Ishbel long and during the whole time I knew her she was ill, however she was obviously some lady from the stories she had told me and had led a very adventurous life, starting with being born in India.

My first meeting with her consisted almost solely of her telling me about her funeral plans, which because she had no family was a great blessing.  You see, the initial phone call I got was from the funeral directors who were going full steam ahead and not solely in the direction she had mentioned to me.  Fortunately I was able to speak to Ishbel’s solicitor and let him know what she had told me and things were done as she would have wanted.  Even if you didn’t know Ishbel she can leave a wonderful legacy for you and your loved ones, plan your funeral and either let someone know or better still write it down.

One of the unusual things about Ishbel’s funeral was that it was a woodland burial, it was in fact the first such funeral I had conducted.  Now those who know me will know that, that is what I wish for myself, so I was delighted when Ishbel mentioned it to me somewhat cautiously and we went on to have a fantastic conversation about it all.  However there was one thing I certainly hadn’t thought about, and I don’t think she had either, although it did cause great hilarity for those who knew her well and they were sure she had planned it that way.  On Monday it had rained hard so when we got to Craufurdland Woods it was like a swamp and we had to squelch our way to the grave side, I ended up with very muddy shoes, robes and tights as the mud came over the tops of my shoes, the funeral directors ended up with a dirty car as the blue roll they carried didn’t have the ability to clean off all the mud and muck, and one individual got their high heels stuck in the quagmire.  So lesson number two from Ishbel, if you are going to attend a Woodland Burial take along a pair of wellington boots!

During the journey to and from Ayrshire we went through fog and snow and rain and bright sunshine and as I sat beside Ishbel in the jump seat of the hearse the sweet fragrant rushes from her coffin made the journey feel more like a summer outing than a funeral.  However yet again I was astonished by the way some drivers treat a funeral cars.  As we left the church (thanks to our local traffic warden who stopped the traffic) and I led the procession to the cross cars where zooming out in front of me, while on the M77 one car who was joining at the East Kilbride turning decided it would just push its way in-between the hearse and following car.  Lesson three, you can tell Ishbel was a teacher can’t you?  Show respect to the deceased and those who are mourning them when you see a funeral, otherwise you might discover it is your funeral all too soon.

In time an oak tree will be planted where she lays in that quite spot on a hill in Aryshire.  It was a memorable end to a extraordinary life.

In Joy

Today son did everyone proud and read this at his Grandpa’s funeral.

Give us, Lord, a bit o’ sun,

a bit o’ work and a bit o’ fun;

give us all in the struggle and sputter

our daily bread and a bit o’ butter;

give us health, our keep to make,

an’ a bit to spare for others’ sake;

give us sense , for we’re some of us duffers,

an’ a heart to feel for all that suffers;

give us, too, a bit of a song

and a tale, and a book to help us along.

An’ give us our share o’ sorrow’s lesson

that we may prove how grief’s a blessin’.

Give us, Lord, a chance to be

our goodly best, brave, wise, and free,

our goodly best for ourself, and others,

till all learn to live as sisters and brothers.

Funeral Cars

I have ceased to be amazed at how inconsiderate other drivers are to Funeral Cars.  I have witnessed hearses being cut up, others cutting inbetween the hearse and family cars, cars refussing to slow down or stop or tooting their horns impatiently. 

This however was a new one, a woman having suddenly realised the car she had just decided to undertake was stopped because of the hearse crossing in front of it, took her hand off the steering wheel to cross herself sending the car off in the wrong direction!  Somehow she didn’t crash, into either us or anyone else although I think she might have dented her bumper on the high curb, maybe it was the self blessing that she had just done that saved her, it certainly wasn’t her driving awareness.  What then did she do, well she then decided to sound her horn at us as if it was our fault!

Rena Coleman – RIP

Today saw a packed church to say farewell to Rena. 

Rena was married Mike who was a Deacon here at St Mark’s before I arrived.  I don’t think I ever heard her complain, about anything, she always had a hug a kiss and a smile not just for me, but for anyone who visited her.

She will be missed by many, but most of all by Mike, their two sons and family.

May she rest in peace, and rise in glory.

Diana Fogg – RIP

Today saw the funeral of the mother of our Vestry Secretary, as part of the eulogy I used words from a newspaper cutting Dinah had kept and framed, words of wisdom which I now share with you.

Do you think your life is boring,

A routine job with not much pay,

No excitement no surprises,

The same old thing from day to day?

Then why not think how you could change it

And teach yourself to take control?

With cheerful thoughts and kindly actions

You could reach a greater goal.

Funerals

This morning I attended the second funeral of the week, this one was for the Revd Agatha Danson one of the first females in Scotland to be ordained priest. She was commended to God in fine style having both Bishop Idris – the current bishop of Glasgow and Galloway and also the Primus of the Scottish Episcopal Church – and Bishop John the previous bishop of the diocese dressed in their finery. To totally misquote from The Importance of Being Ernest – To have one bishop conduct your funeral is fortunate, to have two is exquisite!

The first funeral, on Monday, was for Ian Howard.  Ian was someone I have know for more years than I care to remember and was always a good friend, whose dry wit often had me trying to stifle a laugh at some inappropriate time.  He died very suddenly and as is often the case in such circumstances the church was full of people still coming to terms with the shock.

They both contributed much to the diocese, Agatha as a Lay Reader, NSM Deacon and then as a NSM Priest until she retired in 2003 and Ian as the Diocesan Surveyor for many years retiring from the post only in December 2006.

May they rest in peace and rise in glory.